I gain my courage and strength from the goddess. She removes any fear or doubt that creeps into my mind and replaces it with stillness. She whispers in the wind and screams in the storm; she sings in the warm sunshine and gives birth to nature during the winter cold. The goddess picks me up when I am low and guides me along the path towards the truth of the universe.

I consider myself among other things, as a biker having rode motorcycles for the past forty years and thank the goddess that in all that time I have survived the onslaught of the dangerous and careless drivers that infest our congested roads. She is the perfect pillion (as well as my girlfriend Therese of course).

 

My love for Mother Nature; its vitality and diversity and my respect for Mother Earth in all her beauty have been at the forefront of my thinking since my earliest memories. I was born and raised on what is essentially a small island surrounded on all sides by the power of the sea and buffeted by strong south westerly winds driving up the English Channel. Ancient sacred wells have given their names to many of the islands villages including, Southwell, Chiswell, Maidenwell, Fortuneswell and the small springs that remain to this day like Culverwell and Jacob’s well where as a kid I imagined was the home to the nature spirits that dwelt in the landscape. It was an island to explore that would instil in the mind of a child amazement and wonder. I felt I was a part of the nature and the nature was a part of me, connected by an invisible force that I could not recognise at the time. They were innocent times; happy carefree times.

As I grew up nature faded from my mind as football, glam rock and hostilities against the gangs from across the bridge took over. My dad ran away with another woman leaving my mum to bring up four children on her own and I began to withdraw from the richness of life to hide in the shadows of uncertainty and a fear for the future. The world became a more hostile and dangerous place as the cold war threatened to destroy the planet and the corporate industries plagued the planet with pollution in the name of profit. Nature was under attack and the goddess was becoming sick as government forces waged a war against her. My reaction to it all was to buy a motorbike and apart from football and music nothing else mattered. As long as Man United won and I had a good ride with my friends, life was good.  For a while I was comfortable in my small material bubble, a godless world revolving around personal pleasure and petty revenge; but that was soon to come to an end.

I had a good job, good friends and fell in love. I was looking at engagement rings when Carolyn was killed in a motorbike accident; my love had disappeared in an instant and my world had died. I quickly lost my job and the darkness flooded in as the light of the future went out. I was not planning to visit Hell, but here I was. I found myself in a place of no hope or future; a realm of liquid spirits and hard drugs to alleviate the guilt of my last words to Carolyn; telling her to ‘fuck off’ because I was in a bad mood.

If it was not for my mum and sister, a kindly neighbour and good friends I would have continued drowning in my whirlpool of destruction and self pity towards a sorry end.

During my binges of drink and dope my mind took on the idea that Carolyn was looking over me like a ghost. Her physical self had died but another form of her was alive, watching me and she did not like what I had become. I was aggressive; I slept around and only had thoughts for myself. For me the whole world was a hostile existence of dog eats dog and the survival of the strongest; nature at its coarsest level. As I mentioned earlier I was saved from destruction by my mother, sister and friends who pulled me away from the brink of no return. I found a new job and a fresh outlook on the world. Carolyn’s ghost had turned into a guardian angel; my guardian angel which meant I had to watch what I did in the future. I began to look at what a guardian angel was which led me to explore the realm of the spiritual. I studied a philosophy course for two years where I was introduced to Shekinah, the name we used for the higher self and her sister Lilith, the lower self that is connected to our physical self. The sisters are the source that makes up our mind, who allows the transformation of ideas into reality.

It is, for me the goddess that helps humanity to adapt and overcome our sensory world in order to serve our needs, to eat and drink, to have shelter and clothes and above all to love and be loved. Anything else is a luxury, an illusion, a means to control and subdue us.

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