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CHAPTER 1

Birth is Powerful

Birth is the epicentre of a woman's power. Ani DiFranco

Childbirth is one of the most empowering initiations a person can go through, and one that is unique to the female sex. In Jungian archetypal psychology, birth is the ultimate psychological and spiritual experience.

Of course, that doesn't mean it's easy. Birth is a soul searching, body shaking feat of endurance that requires a woman to dig to the very depths of her inner resources and come out the other side forever changed. All the more reason why this deserves respect, compassion and recognition. Sadly in today's Western, medicalised culture, birth is seen as something to 'get through' and 'get over' with hopefully as little mess as possible. And women who have had profound, even euphoric birth experiences often find their voices go unheard amid the over-representation of medicalised birth and women swapping ever more horrific birth stories with one another.

'It was agony,' 'I thought I was dying,' 'I'm never going through that again,' we tell each other with solemn shakes of the head, sighing and nudging each other when a friend gets pregnant for the first time and announces she wants a natural, drug-free birth. 'You'll change your mind,' we tell her. I've been guilty of this myself. And we do this not just to each other, but in front of men too, tutting at their unbelievably low pain thresholds and laughing when they say it can't be any worse than a kick to the testicles. (Just to clear this up, they are completely different physiological processes and not comparable.)

Why do we do this? I believe it comes from the deep-down need for recognition, to be heard in a culture that often silences us. We know, on the deepest level of knowing, that birth is vitally important, not just as a biological process but as a psycho-spiritual one, that the way we birth influences us for generations. But in a society that limits our expression of this, we try to communicate its importance in the only way we can, by describing it as excruciating and frightening. We try to convince the males in our lives of our superior pain thresholds as a way to convey the specialness of this event that only the female can participate in, as a way to reclaim the respect our innate powers of creation and birth so richly deserve.

And of course, largely thanks to modern birth practices, sadly our experiences may really be this painful. We will look at the physical sensation of birth more in Chapter Two, but for now let me assure you of this: birth doesn't have to be this way.

It certainly was never designed to be this way. For the most part, the female form is uniquely designed to give birth. I am in no way dismissing the experiences of women who cannot birth, or stating that natural childbirth is never traumatic; nevertheless the fact remains that a healthy woman having a healthy pregnancy has all the resources she needs within her to birth her baby, along with the support of a good midwife and caring birth companion. How amazing would it be if a natural, woman-led birth was the norm, rather than an over-medicalised, sterilised and often traumatic birth experience that leaves many women feeling disempowered? How much more confident would we feel as women if our birthing power and our right to choose was routinely respected?

The right to choose is crucial for a woman to feel she has had a positive birth. For various reasons, some women will decide on an epidural, induction or C-section, and various forms of pain relief. There is nothing wrong with this. It is unwanted and unnecessary intervention, which the mother is often at best coerced into, that creates the problem. I believe passionately in a woman's innate right to make her own childbirth choices, and the natural childbirth movement can in some cases sadly be just as responsible for making women feel they 'aren't doing it right'. My vision for birth is that all women feel confident in their own bodies, that childbirth be respected and recognised for the powerful rite of passage it is, and that women be given accurate and balanced information to make their own choices. Each pregnancy, each mother, each child, is an individual.

Recent studies have illustrated that the following factors are crucial for a woman to experience her birth as positive:

• continuous emotional support

• the sense that she is in control of her own body and choices

• the knowledge to make informed choices about her care, pain relief and any interventions

• a calming, safe environment

• self-empowering techniques to manage the sensations and rhythms of birth

• uninterrupted time with her baby immediately after the birth

Birth as Initiation

We will look at some of these factors in more detail in the next and later chapters, but for now I want to look in more depth about the statement I made at the beginning of this chapter. That childbirth is an empowering initiation. A rite of passage. Rites of passage can be described as being made up of three stages: separation, transition, and return. These stages are present at birth in the following ways:

• Separation – labour begins and the mother enters an altered state, known as 'the birthing zone', essentially retreating from the outside world and drawing her attention inwards to focus on her body and baby. Many labouring women report a feeling of being 'outside time' or of having little sense of time passing. This is a natural process that allows oxytocin – the 'birthing hormone' – to rise and helps labour progress. Anxieties and interventions at this period cause stress hormones to rise instead, interrupting the flow of oxytocin and even impending labour. This makes personal sense to me in light of how my first labour seemed to stall as soon as I went to hospital.

• Transition and transformation – the time during any initiation when we are between phases, and often a time of testing, or the 'darkness before the dawn' in hero/ine stories. In childbirth, psychological transition usually corresponds with the physical transition between the first and second stages of labour. This is a time when the stress hormone cortisol naturally peaks, and the birthing woman may find herself suddenly overwhelmed by sensation and feeling she can't go on. I believe if women were routinely told to expect this stage and given strategies to deal with it childbirth would be a lot less frightening. Then the pushing begins and the baby is born – the time of transformation, the peak experience.

• Return – the baby is (hopefully) on the mother's chest, the placenta being delivered, and the mother gradually returns to her former state of non-pregnant; yet is forever changed.

Understanding fully the powerful nature of birth empowers women and helps relieve the anxiety and feelings of helplessness so many of us feel at a time when we are already vulnerable. That is one of the great paradoxes of the birthing woman: that she is simultaneously at her most powerful and her most vulnerable.

Labour is what is known as a liminal time. The word liminal has its roots in an old word for 'threshold' and refers to a 'time between' or a transition phase, often involving a waiting period and a time of transformation. Birth is all of these. Pregnancy and the postnatal period too can be regarded as a time of liminality. During this whole period the woman is 'between times' where her old life has gone and her new one, with the new child, has not yet fully begun. Liminal times are periods of great awakening and creativity, yet also of vulnerability. The failure to mark these times with ritual and respect can lead to feelings of depression and lack of purpose. Add this to lack of sleep, social pressures, possible birth trauma and lack of support and it's not hard to see why rates of post-natal depression are so high in the Western world.

Recently there has been growing interest in rituals around birth and becoming a mother – known often as 'birth rites'. Birth rites may include:

• A 'mother blessing' is the originator of the modern baby shower, with a focus less on gifts and more on showering the mother with blessings and sharing stories and tips to positively prepare her for birth and motherhood. Mother Blessings are becoming popular and there is a guided ritual in the Appendices to help you prepare your own.

• Personal rituals that help the mother in birth, such as affirmations, breathing practices, even dancing and lighting candles or burning certain oils. These are, consciously or otherwise, designed to help the mother find her way into the birthing zone.

• Placenta rituals. Ancient customs such as burying the placenta and planting a small tree above it are being revived, and placenta encapsulation, where the placenta is turned into capsules that are then imbibed by the mother, is becoming increasingly popular. Ingesting the placenta has long been an accepted part of traditional Chinese medicine, and it is believed that the nutrients in the placenta help the woman return to full health after birth, increase milk production and shrink the uterus back to normal size. Recent scientific studies have been inconclusive, but rich anecdotal research suggests many women feel benefits from this. As an aside, I've always felt rather squeamish about the placenta, but gained a new respect for it when the midwife at my last birth opened it up to show me the intricate pattern of veins in the middle, which looked exactly like a tree and which she called 'The Tree of Life'.

• Baby namings and blessings. Alternatives to the typical Christening or baptism abound in recent years, often with less of a focus on religious rites and more on wishing both mother and baby health and happiness.

• 'Babymooning'. The first few months after childbirth are also a time of liminality, and in many cultures women are given time to bond with the baby while others – often female relatives – take care of chores and older children. There has been increased recognition of this important phase recently in natural and attachment parenting circles.

Making the effort to build personal rituals into the pregnancy, birth and 'babymoon' can foster a sense of self-care and increased well-being in the mother, and so in the baby. Anthropologists and social scientists have long been aware of the importance of personal and collective ritual for psychological health, particularly during times of transition.

Rituals are, in part, about 'story-making'. Humans are meaning-motivated creatures, and we like events to run along certain narratives, hence why films and novels have certain expectations built into them. The guy gets the girl after some funny mishaps in a romantic comedy, someone always dies in a tear-jerking family drama, a pretty girl gets killed in the opening scenes in a slasher flick ... Although real life is seldom as clear cut, we tend to view events in ours and others' lives in the same way. Big life events such as birth, marriage and death come with their own narratives.

Sadly, the modern 'birth story' is often a negative one, with the woman seen as a passive character in the drama. Birth happens to her, rather than being an act she consciously participates in, and the catcher of the baby is cast in the hero role. With this narrative, we could be forgiven for thinking a baby can't possibly be born without a full team of medical staff on hand and an epidural at the ready.

These narratives have a powerful effect on our beliefs and expectations. So one way to alter our beliefs and expectations is to change the narrative, or story, that we're telling ourselves. Recognising birth as a rite of passage and including some of the rituals described above in your experience can help do this. As can taking in positive birth stories. Yes, they exist. Lots of them! You can find some at the back of this book, as well as links in the resource section to sites and publications dedicated to sharing birth stories that educate and empower. Some other ideas are:

• Politely ask female relatives and friends to stop regaling you with tales of how horrific their births were.

• Do some research into positive birth practices in other cultures and countries – the Netherlands in particular.

• Write your own ideal birth story, and read it regularly during your pregnancy, really visualising or imagining the scene in your mind.

• Try the exercises at the end of this section.

• Read creation myths that celebrate the power of birth, such as the one below.

Sumerian Birth Myth

Sumer was one of the world's first advanced civilisations, the forerunner of the Babylonian civilisation of Biblical times. Their creation myth tells that the Goddess Nammu, the Great Mother, created the heavens and earth, birthing them from her own body along with the other gods. Humans were fashioned from the clay of the earth by the trickster god Enki while the birthing goddesses, or Ninmah, oversaw and blessed the process. Humans were made in the image of the gods, including the Goddess's ability to birth from her own body.

Shows childbirth in a whole different light, don't you think? Imagine if we had grown up with that narrative rather than one that told us women were solely responsible for the fall of humankind and as a consequence had been cursed with labour pains? Stories are powerful.

Birth is powerful.

Exercise – Mindfulness Meditation

Try this before the journaling exercise below. Sit comfortably, close your eyes and begin to breathe deeply. Make your exhale a little longer than your inhale. Bring your attention to the breath; the feeling of air coming in and out of your nostrils; the sound it makes. Continue breathing this way for a few minutes. If your attention wanders, it's okay, just bring it back to the breath.

Bring your attention to your body; notice any areas of tension or stress and just breathe into them, feeling any tension dissolve. Now say the word 'birth' to yourself. What happens to your body? Your breath? What images do you see or memories do you recall? Just be aware. Then breathe out, imagining you are letting all this go, and bring your attention back to the breath. When you are ready, answer the following questions.

Exercise – Journaling Questions – What's My Birth Story?

What did my mother tell me about my birth?

What did I hear about childbirth growing up?

How have I seen birth portrayed in the media?

What do my friends say about their births?

How does talking to my midwife or doctor make me feel?

When I think about the birth of my baby, what images and sensations come to mind?

What do I need to believe to feel positive about giving birth?

What beliefs are not helping me?

What would help me?

Birth Art

The creative power of pregnancy and birth often manifests in women's psyche as a surge in their own creativity, and many women report feeling more creative during pregnancy and even, if they can find the time, during the post-natal period. Personally, I started new writing projects within weeks of my births, overcome by a sudden rush of ideas and an urge to write at every available opportunity.

In recent years the ancient tradition of birth art – art, sculptures or mandalas depicting birthing women and used as visual aids for pregnant and labouring women – has been revived and there are some beautiful examples of this in the resource section. Creating your own birth art is a lovely way to both harness the extra creative energy of pregnancy and also start to change your internal birth story. The exercises below will help you to do both, even if you don't see yourself as an artist. Exercises like this are deceptively simple, yet have a real and profound effect on our well-being.

Exercise – Creating a Birth Vision Board

Get some natural childbirth magazines or resources, a pinboard, canvas or even just a large sheet of paper, and make a collage out of any images and words that speak to you about the power of birth and your ideal birth experience. If you would like some ideas, there are some great examples on Pinterest. Make it as bold and colourful and meaningful to you as you can. Put it somewhere you can see it regularly and add to it as you wish as your pregnancy progresses. You can even use it as a visual aid during the birth itself.

If you are interested in the more spiritual aspects of birth and want to capture this in your birth art, listen to the guided meditation below before you create your art. This is suitable for women going through or approaching any new phase in their life. You can download this from www.happybirthhappybaby.co.uk or alternatively record the script below and play it back to yourself.

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Excerpted from "Happy Birth, Happy Baby"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Kelly Palmer.
Excerpted by permission of John Hunt Publishing Ltd..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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