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Touching the Essentials

John Hunt Publishing Ltd.

Clearing the Air: Personal hygiene and appearance

In order to turn the intimate 'summit' into an enjoyable, sensual and exciting experience, it is important to pay attention to a number of hygiene rules that will 'clear the air.' If you don't pay attention to these minor details, Karius' and Bactus' cousins, 'The Stickies,' will likely be invited to your private party, which will cause 'Slow,' who is tight with your partner to seem like a cautious Secret Service invasion – covered with a gas mask as they enter an area infected with tuberculosis. If you don't want sex to end before it begins, you should be considerate of the leading players on this 'athletic field' – some of whom are more famous than others.

Polishing Wax

The first people on the 'Clean the Air' ladder are, of course, 'Mister Clean' and 'Miss Aroma' – who set the main tone for any contact between two people, and especially between those intending to 'take down the dividers' and get thoroughly acquainted with one another's secret hiding places.

A few little soap bubbles

If you want to avoid imposing 'your tough day' onto the shoulder of your excited partner, make sure to shower before every sexual interaction. Also, be sure to foam up at least twice so that the crotch area and genitals smell nice before the imminent 'liquid transfer.' Our suggestion, to both the women and men out there, is to do a 'two-stage wash' in the lively 'activity' area. Shampoo of any type will give you the most thorough lathering.

'Two-stage washing' is as simple as it sounds:

a Wet the area with water.

b Lather up using shampoo.

c Rinse again with water.

d Lather up a second time with shampoo.

e Final rinsing with water.

Training the rebellious

If you girls have given up because of frequent rinsing and the 'fragrance' that sneaks out from between your legs, let me tell you about an amazingly effective product that gets rid of acidity from the genitals and turns your rebellious Angelina into an especially clean and aromatic maiden. It is called intimate cleanser (or feminine wash). This patented invention makes 'fragranced intruders' evaporate almost completely from our Norwegian princess. A single use of this blessed product is worth four intensive showers with regular soap. So, basically, we enable noble Angelina to enjoy maximum sterilization with minimum effort.

Many companies produce the intimate soap – some of them are good, others are better; we will leave it up to you, girls of the beautiful gender, to trial and error until you find the product that best and most effectively works for you.

Remember

'Scrubbing and polishing' Angelina will encourage your partner to wholeheartedly take her in, strum on her with his beloved fingers and give her 'French kisses' with his skilled tongue.

Important note

Frequent, long-term use of the intimate cleanser is not healthy. So, it is not recommended to 'condition' Angelina with it for a long period of time. However, to prevent any sudden hesitation by your enthusiastic partner from licking your 'sweet honey,' make sure to use it before the 'summit.'

The Scent Department

The secondary actors in this significant department are: perfume, deodorant, aftershave (for men), etc. They are important and influential – both before sex and in everyday life. We highly recommend that both genders make frequent and habitual use of them. The goal is to maintain basic hygiene, smell good and allow other people to have a conversation with you through their mouth and not from afar, while using a 'walkie-talkie'.

These things are also relevant (and essential) before sex. The use of each of these secondary actors is particularly critical, as we haven't yet heard of an alternative for having intimate contact through a remote control (unless you're a virtual sex fiend, but you didn't purchase this book for that reason ...).

Fisherman's Syndrome

In order to separate us from the animals with flippers and gills, a dandruff problem should be dealt with.

Dandruff is dry skin that falls off of the scalp, and is likely to cover your head with a very unappealing rash.

To deal with a light dandruff problem, you can (and should) use a shampoo that prevents dandruff (of which many exist); in more severe cases, you should visit a dermatologist.

Pooh Bear and the Honeycomb

If there is anything that can discourage a partner, it is excess dirt in the ears. As they come to give you 'culinary treatment' in the ear, they will be shocked to discover bitter residue in the place of a nice, soft piece of meat. Therefore, before the 'summit,' we highly recommend making sure to clean your ears.

Sweat is thick with water

Perspiration is a very sensitive stethoscope able to identify the type of food you ate today, or even yesterday. Foods with garlic, onion, or curry affect your sweat and will cause your bodies to emit a strong and suffocating odor exactly at the critical moment.

So, we highly recommend that you avoid eating these ingredients the day before the wild dance – as much as possible. Despite praise garlic has won from conventional medicine, our research proves that its ability to chase away a partner is more effective than its ability to chase off bacteria ...

Drunk, and not from wine or the 'Space Odyssey'

After waking up or eating something spicy, your mouth cavity will often be enveloped with a heavy odor that carries distances. Therefore, in addition to a meticulous mouth cleansing, take a piece of advice from your amigo and chew a piece of gum about ten minutes before your important date and about fifteen minutes before the 'summit.'

For those that wake up together or enjoy an entire day as a team (since the mouth begins to accumulate unpleasant smells during the evening hours), we recommend picking up the cup of juice awaiting you by the bedside and reducing the mouth odor before a much awaited kiss ...

In acute cases, when the juice's smell has died out, you can begin to wander with your mouth toward other areas of your partner's body, which may 'sniff' a bit, but lack a sense of smell ...

Important note

Chronic odor is defined as a medical problem. Those suffering from it should go to the Ear, Nose & Throat (ENT) Doctor to get quick, effective treatment.

Did you know?

Eating parsley and drinking a lot of water help to get rid of unpleasant mouth odors.

Lubrication Oil (Lube)

A no-less critical stage in preparing for the upcoming 'Summit' deals with hygiene and softening the 'coarse sands' of the 'conquered' territory. Rough skin is not pleasant to touch, and so, it is important to soften it.

The palm of your hand

Hygiene – Keep your hands clean (fingernails too, of course). This is important both for hygiene and health. After all, the hands tend to enter into all kinds of deep and sensitive tunnels, and friendly bacteria are not welcome in the 'hallowed halls.'

Softening – Touching with hands is no less important than their cleanliness. Everyone agrees that a soft, smooth touch is more attractive than the feeling of being stroked with sandpaper. Therefore, men and women, if soft, fragrant hands are your heart's desire, then make sure to apply some nice, perfumed hand cream to them.

Feet

Hygiene – In every issue related to hygiene maintenance, feet are without a doubt a particularly problematic area. All day long, they are squashed into a sealed furnace filled with sweat and bacteria, and, if we're talking about sneakers, the festival is really big. Damp toes accrue strong smells that are able to knock out even anosmics (people with no sense of smell). From there all the way to your departing handshake – under the assumption that you've followed our instructions in the previous section – we'll take a short cut.

So, wash your feet really well before the 'summit,' especially one that may include paw pleasure with slow, sensual licking. Remember: 'Cheese' and fungus are best left for pizza and not your partner ...

Softening – Spreading an aromatic body lotion or foot cream on your feet will help to soften the skin (which is sometimes course and rough) and will help bring 'Miss Aroma' into the picture. The cream keeps the foot pleasant and smelling good, absorbs the odor for a long time, and enables creative and pleasure-inducing use of the foot throughout the 'athletic act' ...

Did you know?

The largest quantity of bacteria in the body are on the feet – more than are located in the mouth or any other part of the body.

Lips

Just like every other part of the body, the lips also need to be soft. For that reason, lipstick is the favorite invention of many women. Still, while it does its devoted work in adding color and softening the lips, many men also find their partners to be beautiful without it, and even prefer to kiss their lips without the oily mediator that stains their faces and leaves an aftertaste.

So ladies, your call!

You can certainly use your soft and glittery friend, but take into account that some partners might perceive it as a mortal enemy ...

Body work and coloring

We've finally arrived at the last stage of preparations for the intimate 'summit.'

At this stage you are almost ready for the big moment, with the exception of a few significant details that separate the human race at present from the monkeys of earlier eras.

'Pruning' the genitals

Ladies and gentlemen! If you feel like preserving the trees and forests, join Greenpeace. But, in every aspect of body esthetics, your genitalia are not a thick forest.

Below you will find a few trimming methods that will not damage a flower or stem, but will maintain their beauty ...

Types of 'pruning':

It is important to clarify that part of this is targeted at men and women together, since a sterile environment for the stalk is no less important than one for the flower. In both cases, long hair, which tends to accumulate smell, will chase away any nearby butterfly.

As you can see on any website or sex magazine, there are an unlimited number of haircuts – moderate, fashionable or conservative, and you can easily modernize with the latest 'pruning fad,' in all of its shapes and colors. But, the goal now is to give you simple, preliminary tools to turn pruning work into a 'walk in the park' instead of an attempt to level a road inside the tangled jungle.

For the purpose of simplifying the explanation, we'll separate pubic hair into three sections:

The courtyard

The part above the genitals ('esthetic pruning'):

In this region, it is very important to trim the pubic hair and to keep a well-maintained and nice-looking appearance. After all, you don't want it to be wild and neglected like Sleeping Beauty's palace, which had to 'dry out' for hundreds of years before the knight arrived ...

Women: We suggest that you trim the 'yard hair' as short as possible. Make sure it isn't too sharp – 'a porcupine haircut' is likely to be prickly and unpleasant for your partner. Another option is to shave the 'yard hair' off completely, and by doing so, increasing Angelina's hygiene and attracting to her men that like forest clearings.

Remember: A triangular growth of hair is reasonable – it isn't a pasture, but a small piece of garden.

Men: There is no doubt that cropped pubic hair is the fashion statement of the future. In the meantime, we suggest you shorten it as much as possible, so that the tongue going down to the depths of your stalk won't lick weeds as well ... An obvious advantage (on the eye): If you get rid of the tangled camouflage, the barrel of your cannon looks much larger.

'The Main Gate'

The part on the sides and at the opening of the genitals ('practical pruning'): Cutting/shaving in this area is significant for two main reasons:

1 Smell: Both men and women sweat a lot in this unventilated area. Long, wild 'bushes of hair' accumulate smell and stickiness.

2 Through the forest you can't see the bears: Long hair is likely to invade your partner's mouth. So, instead of being blinded by the buried treasure and giving it the desired treatment, your partner will be busy spitting out wandering hairs, picking at their mouth and 'clearing a path' ...

It is hard for us to believe that this is how you imagined the fertilization of your flower/stalk.

This region can also be treated in one of two ways:

• Shortening it significantly, but not so much that the act of going down on you will turn into an experience of wading through a thorn field.

• The 'Michael Jordan' shave – smooth like the infamous basketball idol's bald head.

This has both advantages and disadvantages:

• For: The smooth haircut completely conceals unpleasant odors.

• Against: After the shaving, the area where hair grows fills with red dots. There are men who do not find this red rash to be particularly attractive.

'The King's Path'

It begins just behind the genitals and continues all the way through to the anus.

Men: If you want your partners to 'completely devote themselves' to the area (a more in-depth description is in the 'Kitchenette' chapter) you should treat this with the utmost seriousness.

If you choose the 'Trimming Route' – go for it, but make sure that the thorns don't scratch the soft, delicate skin on your amazing partner's face ... also, be careful while doing it. It's a dead zone (in terms of your field of vision), and we wouldn't want to damage it or anything nearby.

The most highly recommended way to a 'safe cut' is with an electronic shaver for nose and ear hairs (further explanation for how to use this machine can be found later in the chapter).

Women: The clear, unequivocal rules of esthetics do not permit hair to exist in the area between Angelina and the anus, including on the anus itself.

So what can you do?

Shave, wax, pluck, do whatever you want, on the condition that this area shines and smells like the neighbor's flower planters.

For those that have trouble with the pruning work, there are expert hairdressers that do it. They will be happy to advise you on up-to-date trimming trends and give your Angelina a fashionable, representative, good 'look.'

For those of you interested in turning pruning work into an intimate, unique experience with a partner, I suggest increasing the sexual tension with your partner by shaving Angelina in a different way each time. For example, do it with the Nike symbol, another time dye it a bright green (as they say: your grass is greener), another time let it grow out fully, or show it totally exposed in its full naked glory, and there are many other original shapes.

Remember

The Courtyard, including the Main Gate, is your private territory and you are welcome to do anything with it that enters your wild imagination.

Important Note

Pruning is likely to cause red rashes or pimples on those with sensitive skin. Therefore, in order to allow the skin irritation to disappear, we recommend you cut the 'royal Norwegian girls' a few days before the long-awaited moment.

Did you know?

The trend of pruning pubic hair began to gain momentum only in the 1990s, and since then has been 'blooming'.

Tips for the new gardener

For those of you interested in a 'Michael Jordan' haircut, but having trouble finding a hairdresser to give Angelina the desired treatment, or those interested in doing the work with their own hands, I have compiled a few 'slicing' instructions for doing the job:

a If you have long, impressive tresses, first use a pair of scissors or a haircutting device. This 'shortening' activity will make the job of shaving easier for you, and will enable clean, precise pruning.

b After shortening it, soften the 'Fortress Hair' with soap, shampoo or conditioner, and prepare it for the next stage.

c After you've removed the conditioning material and have washed the area with water, wipe Angelina dry and cover her with shaving gel. Rub the gel on the hair until you've achieve the desired softness.

d Important Note: Women with delicate skin are advised to choose a gel for sensitive skin that prevents irritations and rashes.

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Excerpted from Touching the Essentials by May Shaked, Itai Rossman. Copyright © 2012 Yair Amit. Excerpted by permission of John Hunt Publishing Ltd..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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