Art and Science of Intergalactic Warmongery, The
A practical guide to turning your megalomaniacal urges into an intergalactic reality.
As a young cadet, Private Myrston led troops against the Victoriana rebellion where he earned a reputation as a fearless soldier and cunning tactician. His meteoric rise to Emperor of the Molagrian Empire was paved with sound battle strategies, a winning smile and clever assassinations of several superior officers.
As emperor, he sought out and engaged in countless conflicts with a multitude of sentient lifeforms during his reign. It was during this period that he mastered several forms of invasion, administration and religious manipulation for profit.
In this text, Myrston has plagiarized wildly from Molagrian and Nebraxian classic texts infinitely better than this one to provide a concise set of tenets guaranteeing intergalactic success. Learn how to take control of the planet, establish a government that suits your needs and then seek out and annihilate exotic, intelligent lifeforms throughout the galaxy.
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Laugh out loud funny while being scathingly insightful. Terrifyingly relevant yet masterfully absurdist. Very difficult to not hear John Cleese's voice in my head while reading it. So happy to have stumbled upon this book. Time to go research who wrote this! ~ Lulu Benoit, Amazon
This is fun stuff. It’s from the perspective of an alien invader. He writes a very helpful instruction manual for invading Earth. The author / invader provides valuable hints, including a decision tree about ascending to total domination. I was moved by the chapter on Warmonger Archetypes. It asks incisive questions such as, “Do you choose pets based on how they express agony?” Thanks to this quiz, I have discovered that I am a Befriend and Betray Practitioner. I mean "one dimensional" in the Amazon star thingamajig as a strong compliment. More wisdom: “Gloops, slimes, blobs and nanotech are equally fine if giant lizards are too garish for your tastes.” For convenience, there’s a 40-step invasion checklist. And it explores what happens if you get dethroned, with this insight: “You want to have at least one cloned, mind-hacked body double in a stasis chamber somewhere.” For anyone or anything considering an invasion of Earth, or any other planet, really, this book is a must-read. ~ Joe Crowe, Amazon